1.) Anything about bowel movements.  Yeah.  Everyone shits.  But I would prefer to not know when you shit, or the quantity and quality of your shit.

2.) Baby daddy drama.  Dude….If your boyfriend is a dealer and he has been fucking hoes behind your back and now you’re going to be a single mom…No offense….what did you expect?  You let a criminal father your child!  Did you think he would change for you? Aw how cute.  Sorry baby C.R.E.A.M.

3.) Statuses that say “Crying.” or “No one loves me.”  or “Drowning.”  Number one…so you’re crying….but you are composed to type that you’re crying in your status box for the whole world to see?  And no one loves you?  Damn right no one is going to love you after you post that.  You are crying for attention and I guarantee 95% of your facebook community will refuse to give it to you. 

4.) Inappropriate song lyrics.  If the lyrics you post in your status have anything to do with suicide, shooting up drugs, and/or lastly…touching yourself…specifically the Divinyls (Great song, not hating)….it is inappropriate.  Not everyone wants to imagine you doing any of the above things.

5.) If you are in labor.  Self Explanatory.

6.) Your schedule.  I don’t give a fuck quite frankly.  We are all just as busy.

7.) Attacks on another person.  Whatever happened to resolving conflict face to face?

8.) Connecting your twitter to your facebook.  It is acceptable to tweet minute by minute….but it is NOT okay to do minute by minute status updates that are linked to your twitter.